I am just a Mum. I’m not a superhero.
I think most Mums are too hard on themselves. We want to do it all. Make our kids happy, our partners, ourselves, our friends, strangers at the supermarket…everyone! We are people pleasers and we often leave ourselves to last, or spread ourselves too thin.
I’m not complaining. We’ve all got problems and I know I’m a luckier than a lot of people. I’m sure there are many many many people struggling more than me. Single mums, mums with more kids than me (how do you do it?!), mums of twins. What I’m saying is you should cut yourself some slack. If you’re stretched too thin, can’t keep up with everything you have to do, then find a way to make it easier if you can.
This year I have been blogging a lot less than before. I post about once a week now, whereas I used to post 2 – 3 times a week. I love blogging, but I just can’t fit as much of it into my life right now as I used to. I apologise to you if you’ve been missing me a bit and I’m sure I’ll get back to posting more at some point, but sadly, it’s one thing that has had to slip a bit. I know a lot of bloggers are suffering burn out, but I don’t feel that way exactly. I Just. Don’t. Have. Time.
I am also sewing a lot less. I have heaps of ideas and I would love to do more sewing, but again, I just don’t have the time. I had to buy Roman some cheap tracksuit pants because he had outgrown his current ones and I just didn’t have time to go shopping, buy fabric, wash it, cut out a pattern and sew them up. I feel guilty for buying these cheap clothes, but I had to cut myself some slack.
We all need to give ourselves permission to let something go. No guilt! I recently got a house cleaner. She comes once a fortnight and cleans the floors and bathrooms. They were two jobs I could just never get around to doing. I’m lucky that I can get one and I’m sure there are people who are busier than me that manage to clean their floors and their bathrooms, but I just can’t fit it in. I still feel guilty about this, but I’m doing my best not to.
I’ve started cooking bigger batches of dinners and freezing extra portions. Most nights during the week we eat a freezer dinner like that. I love cooking, but Ted gets grumpy if I spend too long in the kitchen, so I had to let it go. Now I re-heat the dinner and maybe cook up some rice or pasta, or chop up a salad to go with it. I look forward to the afternoons when I can chop veggies and hover of a pot of stew for a couple of hours. Those days are few and far between, but I know they will come back.
This is how my kitchen looked after a morning making sausage rolls, gyoza dumplings and a chocolate zucchini cake.
The thought of entertaining guests usually terrifies me! I used to love planning dinners parties and then spend the whole day cooking and preparing the house. These days, I just don’t have time! When hubby now suggests we have people over, my heart rate goes up as I think of the million cleaning jobs that need to happen and then happen again as the boys follow behind me and un-do all my good work. I then try and convince hubby that takeaway pizza would be a great idea.
I’m making sure I spend time with the boys. Colour in pictures with Roman. Play peekaboo with Ted. Take stupid family photos. Roman is trying to spell words at the moment so I’m trying to help him read. I have no idea what I’m doing, but it’s fun and amazing to see him make new connections. Ted has just started walking and I love walking around the lounge room while he toddles along holding my finger. I do a little dance inside each night as Roman summons me to his room for goodnight kisses and cuddles. He sticks out his fingers to tell me how many of each he wants. Every time I hope it’s 10. I’m trying to do what I can that I think matters the most now. Because kisses and cuddles, laughter and games are much more important than handmade undies.
I am a Mum. I’m a superhero.
Do you have trouble cutting yourself some slack? Have you had to let some things go since you had children?
Lauren says
THANK. YOU.
I could have written this myself. xoxo
abby says
hugs to you my love! You have achieved so much this year. You have a lot to be proud of. And now you need to take some time to take care of yourself and your newest job xx
Anna Collins says
LOVE IT!!! Everything you said is so true and you are not the only one. Don’t feel guilty about a house cleaner, I’d definitely have one too if I could, I know lots of other mums who have them. I have soooo many ideas buzzing inside that I want to do but never get the time to either. I made a big list the other day but then it kind of made me sad because who knows when any of it will happen…. I have 2 happy and healthy girls so at the end of the day I’m pretty lucky 🙂
abby says
Yes, the ideas that I can’t get the time for…I’m sure there are ideas I’ve had in my head for years…one day!
Mel says
Being a Mum is exhausting! It does get physically easier as they get older but then it’s more the constant worrying. I’ve let so many things go in the past 16 years. Blogging will be there later, but your kids will grow up, you are a super hero and remember that even they have side kicks to help out xxx.
abby says
thanks Mel! I didn’t think of the trusty sidekicks 🙂
annika says
What a beautiful post. You are a superhero
abby says
thank you annika!
Renee //nearestthepin says
Who wouldn’t want to snuggle those two – they are the cutest! Being a mum is the best and hardest job there is, sending a hug your way Abby x
abby says
thanks Renee!
a touch of domesticity / katie sparrow says
Oh Abby. My younger two are 3 and 5 and your post just took me back exactly two years. My greatest advice to mums of little ones is to be kind to yourself. Enjoy them where you can – it goes fast. No one really minds about your messy kitchen! We’d all love to read your blog posts but much prefer it if you’re playing with your lovely boys instead! You will come out of it. There is time enough for more of your non-mummy life in the future. And you have absolutely no need to apologise!
abby says
thank you Katie 🙂
Mirjam says
You are so right, Abby. I do recognize so much of what you’ve written. And I think every mom will. Being a mom can be exhousting, and yes, I have let things go when I became one. In the first place we want to be good mothers, won’t we? And then we want to please everyone. Now I’m expecting my third child. This is exiting, but exhousting as well. I feel guilty to my kids not being a nice mom with lots of energy. But then, I know, the energy will come back and the hormones will be gone 😉 So things will get better 🙂
abby says
yes the guilt, oh the guilt! Congratulations and enjoy your pregnancy. Rest up xx
jess says
Perfectly said, Abby! No one can do it all, and our little ones are the ones who hurt the most when we try to do too much. You’re doing a great job, mama!!
abby says
thanks Jess!
Ruth says
I hear you! I have 17 months between my two – our eldest just turned three. There’s not much crafting happening at the moment….in fact, right now, I have our youngest strapped to my back in his ergo making sleepy sounds. I’ll be lucky if I get anything done today – never mind one of my languishing works in progress….Keep on hanging in there and enjoying those lovely boys of yours. They’ll be big one day – and one doubts they’ll be asking for ten kisses in ten years!
abby says
I have a cuddly Ergo baby today too. He’s getting 4 molars all at once! I’m definitely making the most of the ten kisses while I can. Hugs to you Ruth xx
Cassandra Hodges says
So true! Im in exactly the same place. I have now learnt not to make promises that I’ll blog on a regular basis. It’ll happen one day… but now Im gonna concentrate on keeping things simple, cos this mumma job is hard work and we all need to cut ourselves some slack. xx
abby says
Wise words Cass xx
Natalie from Sewoutnumbered says
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!! A wise woman (my beautiful mum) used to say being a mum is the most important job in the world – and she was absolutely right! She also used to tell off anyone who would phone and say “Hi! It’s *just* me”…. No, it’s not JUST you, it IS you! So my response to your post is… you’re not JUST a mum… you ARE a mum and you ARE a superhero!! 🙂 xx
Natalie from Sewoutnumbered says
bahaha! Must concentrate more! I reread your last sentence…clearly you are also a wise woman 😉
abby says
thanks Natalie! xx
Jenya says
Amen sister! There are so many things I want to do, and there is so little time… I too cook in batches. I pre-cook dinners for the days I am at work. It is this, or I go crazy. I don’t vacuum the house a few times week anymore either. It feels like it is either a clean house or a little me time. Me time wins 😉
abby says
I agree with all of it! xx
Stephanie says
Love it! Especially the no guilt part. “Mom guilt” has become so overused I feel like its existence is CREATING mom guilt.
abby says
I think you’re right!
Luana says
Thank you so much for you letter. It reminded me of myself, almost 6 years ago, before my son was born when I used to make silver and pearls jewellery for my love ones. They were beautiful intricate pieces but now I rather buy them as I don’t have the time, energy or imagination to do it. Things are coming back slowly now that my son started school; but I have to reconnect to the new me and start all over again. I did cut myself some slack on so many things so many times because Real Life is the one we live in the present moment, and I will never regret interrupting my craft, as all the small things I did with my son are the treasures that will never brake or need a new lock.
abby says
very well said! Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy rediscovering your crafts!
Wendy says
You’re doing it right – enjoy your kids while you can. There’s always housework but your kids grow up.
abby says
thanks Wendy!
Annette Holbrook says
Just a quick note to say, “HOORAY!” for keeping it real. You’re absolutely correct! We are too hard on ourselves and need to be quick to leave those dishes in the sink and NOT apologize for the mess when someone stops over because really? They don’t care about our dirty dishes and we shouldn’t either. I’ve told friends how comforting I find it when I visit and everything’s not tip top and tidy. It makes me feel more comfortable, knowing that they aren’t looking down their nose at MY messy house when they drop in. 😉 Thank you!
abby says
haha, you should come to my house…you’ll feel right at home! 😉 Thanks for reading
Toni Coward says
So so true Abby! I always try and remind myself that there is a “time and a season” for everything…life is always changing and evolving so we have to be prepared to change along with it x
abby says
good advice Toni!
Kelly says
So well said! I keep wording and re-wording a post like this in my head, and never get time to write it down!! 🙂 But it is so true, it’s hard to let go. This parenting gig is hard!
abby says
Thanks Kelly. I’ve been thinking about writing it for ages, and I just sat down and it wrote itself in about 5 minutes. Scary how much I must have been bursting to say it! Thanks for reading